How am I?

That is kind of a good question; though I'm not sure many want to hear it.

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I am scared; having never moved before in my 'conscious' life. I have lived in this house 11 years. Plus, I'm bi-polar and freak out over the littlest stuff so it isn't surprising that something this huge would scare me. Plus, we don't have the money to really support ourselves. My dad makes 900 a month and our rent is 900 (roughly for each figure) so, get my drift?

But I am excited as hell! OMG! I can get out of this gloomy hell hole! A new start to things should be most excellent; an exciting adventure is just what my soul needs right now. So.. I'm a bit at the edge of my seat; knowing I'm gonna get hit and just waiting for the blow to get done with.

How is exchange?

Well.

I have a new option. There were these missionaries at our church advertising their summer trips to eastern Europe and the former soveit union. Well, aside from wanting to apply for those too, they have long-term things that can be arranged. Guess what countries are on the list! Estonia, Latvia, Russia, Ukraine, and Poland. And going through the church, I'd be with Christians/ people who want to learn about my religion and I'd still learn the culture and language. AND! Church people are much more willing to sponsor people for the church missions versus, say, foreign exchange. Also there isn't competition. The application process isn't HARDCORE; though I have to have one in-person interview. I've had 3 for exchange; this 1 shouldn't be a problem. So..only thing is I need a 200$ deposit and they aren't completely certain about placement and time as it is through church versus an in-stone exchange program.

That's an option.

As December 3rd fast approaches, I can feel the excitement and nervousness bubble! This is my final stand. I also could not afford the 1000$ for the dentist to do some work and sign the papers; but I called the lady and she said to just bring what I have done and we'll see. So.. I'm hopeful. Though, they only way I'm going to get into this program would be through God; I definitely cannot come up with the money myself.

What is my Christmas wishes?

I don't want items this year; stuff comes and goes. As I am learning, as I begin to pack my room, stuff will be forgotten in years to come. But there is one thing. If I could exchange.. well.. that'd make my life. So.. these holidays may suck this year but, I can but sit around and wait for a Christmas miracle.

I also wonder if exchange would be considered a worldly desire. I thirst for knowledge and understanding. Yet.. idk. I just.. wonder, y'know? Like.. would God approve of this?-type thing. Like.. is chasing after this keeping me grounded to the world? Or, maybe not since it teaches things that the materials of this world cannot. In the end, it costs so much money but.. it is a pursuit of knowledge. One wonders.

One wonders.